Why Do We Miss Red Flags?

“By focusing on the fantasy of who they could be, you’re missing the signs of who they actually are. Pay attention.” -Ibbie

Red flags.

Think about all the ones you ignored at the beginning of a distressing relationship. ⠀

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Aren’t they the same red flags that caused the most drama within the relationship and probably caused the relationship to end?⠀

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That’s because red flags don’t become green flags at the wave of a magical wand. ⠀

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You can’t fix them.⠀

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You’re not up for the challenge.⠀

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You have better things to do with your life.⠀

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SO WHY DO WE MISS THE RED FLAGS?⠀

(A question I get asked A LOT).

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Sometimes we’re so focused on the end goal and controlling the outcome that we fail to see things for what they truly are.⠀

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POSITIVE ILLUSORY BIAS.⠀

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This is when we fail to see the flaws and imperfections in someone because we’re so caught up in the novelty and excitement of them or the potential of a future with them.⠀

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This can be great for a healthy relationship because who wants to focus on their partner’s flaws, right? ⠀

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But in a RED FLAG-FILLED relationship, positive illusory bias is where we fail. ⠀

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We create fantasies in our mind of our dream wedding and starting a family that we picture every person we meet taking on the role of “partner”.⠀

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Let’s pause.⠀

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Take a look around.⠀

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And consider the REALITY.⠀

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This means creating your NON-NEGOTIABLES beforehand, pacing yourself, having boundaries and STICKING TO THEM.⠀

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No one deserves to hold the position of partner in your mind until they meet all of your standards CONSISTENTLY.⠀

Let’s not spend YEARS trying to iron out red flags that we could have avoided altogether.

You deserve happy, healthy love and you deserve not to waste another second fighting to paint red flags green.

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